Miscommunication
by god-of-crazy
Summary: What happens when the smasher’s vocabulary is limited to what they say in the video game?
1. Ch 1

I do not own Super Smash Brothers. Blessing or Curse?**

* * *

****Luigi.**

The gathering was momentous. People from all corners of the community came to pay their respects to a great man.

Once the enormous queue walked by the open casket to say their goodbye, they sat in the pews. Most of them ended up standing outside.

The priest walked up to the podium and cleared his voice.

"Today, we gather not to mourn, but to say our piece to this man of strength and wonder."

He paused to recollect himself. "As you all know, the good lord bid him to leave this mortal coil two weeks ago."

Just than a person emerged from the door to the washroom and shouted.

"Yahoo!"

Everyone turned stared in admonishment at the green-overall clad plumber.

"Good lord," said the priest, infuriated, "what kind of sadistic man are you."

Luigi scuffed his feet.

The priest held his anger in check. "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

Luigi thought for a moment and pumped his fist in the air. "Yahoo!"

The priest pulls out a shotgun, reminiscing to the one in the movie Constantine.

"Everyone, it's time for a stake burning! Grab that son of a bitch!"

The entire congress started chasing after the plumber, who took off when he saw the weapon.

As the chased him through the streets he constantly said one word.

"Yahoo!"

* * *

**Kirby**

A woman was walking through the streets of the suburbs. She came across a fluffy pink creature.

"Hi!" he said as he waved his arms.

The women instantly squealed. "Hey, you're Kirby!"

She smiled and waved back. Afterwards, she starts towalk away.

An elderly couple was taking a morning scroll. They happened to chance upon Kirby.

"Look dear," said the woman to her husband. "Someone painted a dog pink."

"Hi!" said Kirby as he waved his arms.

"And it can speak quite well. My, how has the world progress."

The husband nodded in accordance. "Yes dear."

They continue walking.

A couple kids came by and spotted Kirby.

"Hey," they said, "it's Kirby!"

"Hi!" said Kirby as he waved his arms.

They gathered around and took turns getting their pictures taken with the star warrior.

They waved good-bye as the left.

It was no use, thought Kirby. No matter how people he tried to attract attention from, they still would not save him. He sighed and regretted testing if quick, drying cement was as advertised.


	2. Ch 2

I don't own smash brothers. (Looks towards sun and tries to shoot it down with a rubber band.)

**

* * *

Samus**

A man just exits his car and finds out that his accountant had vacated his office. In fact, the whole city was deserted.

As the man walks around the town, he spots Samus quickly rushing up to him.

Samus makes a strange noise. (you know, the one from Super Smash Brothers)

"What's that Samus?" asked the man. "Timmy fell down the well?"

Samus shook her head and made that strange noise again.

The man stared in horror. "You pushed him in?"

Again, Samus shook her head, only more vehemently. She once again made that noise.

The man fell to his knees.

"You shot Timmy?" he said in a hoarse whisper.

Samus resisted beating the man to death on the spot. She shook her head so quickly it was a blur. She tries to communicate again with the man.

The man fell on his face and starts to cry.

"You," he said between sobs, "cooked Timmy alive and devoured him!"

He starts to pound the pavement with his fist.

"Damn you!" he shouted in anguish, "damn you, you Monster!"

Samus attempts to pick him up, but he swatted away her hand and ran in the direction she came from.

Samus sighs and resumes running. If the man only looked behind her, he would have noticed a swarm of metroids behind her. Yeah, she could have blown them all up, but she ran out of missiles.

C'est la vie.

**Pikachu**

Pikachu was perched upon Ash's head like always. Alongside them were Brock and Misty.

A group approaches them in mismatched clothing.

"Hello," said the person, in a French accent, who is 'obviously' not Jessie, "we're offering a free tour of the museum of 'painful traps that only idiots would set off.'"

"Yes," said the person, in a Russian accent, who is 'obviously' not James, "it provides insight into the working minds of fools who carelessly and uncannily fall victim to these contraptions and plans."

"Please attend," said the pokemon, in a New Jersey accent, who is 'obviously' not Meowth, "for only idiots refuse our generous offer."

Ash nodded. "Sure, why not. It is clear that you are not team rocket, despite having the same hair colour, physique, and trademark Meowth."

Pikachu immediately saw through their disguise and tried to warn Ash.

"Pika, Pika" Pikachu said frantically.

Ash petted Pikachu. "You hear that," he said to his cohorts, "Pikachu's all excited!"

Brock nodded. "Yes, As am I. In addition, since this is not team Rocket, I shall concentrate on wooing the women we are bound to meet, instead of planning of ways to escape ambushes."

"And I," announced Misty, "will concentrate on looking beautiful!"

Pikachu tried to warn them again.

"Pika, Pika, Pika!" Pikachu said more urgently.

Ash petted Pikachu again. "Calm down," he said, soothingly, "we'll go right now if you want."

"Excellent," said the person who was 'obviously' not Jessie.

Ash and the gang start to follow the group that was 'obviously' not Team Rocket.

Pikachu flopped on Ash's shoulder and waited for the inevitable 'It's Team Rocket!'shout from Ash.


	3. Ch 3

don't own super smash brothers. BWHAHAHAHAHAH…wait that's not good. BOOHOOHOOHOO

* * *

**Ness**

"Clear the Streets!" shouted a lieutenant to his sergeant. "We got a bomb with 30 pounds of C4 about to go off in two minutes!"

As the sergeant rushes off, a flash of light blinded the lieutenant. A thunderclap followed the light. When he could see clearly, he saw a chubby little boy in a red hat.

"Holy shit," exclaimed the lieutenant, "are you okay?"

"OK!" replied Ness.

"Wait a minute," said the lieutenant, "you're Ness, aren't you? Since you're a psychic, you must be a genius!"

Ness shook his head and said, "OK!"

"I think the impact might have disoriented you. You were shaking your head while confirming my statement. Don't worry, all that matters is that your brain works."

He drags Ness through the police safety barrier until he's right by the bomb.

"Good luck!" said the lieutenant, before dashing away.

Ness looked at the bomb. The display readout said 30 seconds remained. He tried to remember what Jeff said about bombs.

(**FLASHBACK!)**

"Now remember, Ness," lectured a patient Jeff, "if you ever get into a situation where you have to disable a time bomb, you cut this wire."

Jeff emphasizes by pointing at the wire. "You got it?"

Ness was busy figuring out a puzzle cube.

"OK!" he said, without even looking.

"Ness," said an irritated Jeff, "you're not even looking!"

Ness waved his right hand in disdain.

"OK!"

(**END FLASHBACK!)**

Unfortunately, the flashback took about 30 seconds.

The explosion sent Ness flying through the air. He crashed through a sewer grate and floated amongst the sewage and dead rats.

Riggs, who witnessed the entire spectacle from beginning to finish, poked his partner.

"Hey, Moe," he said in a high pitch voice, "that one went to da moon!"

Murtaugh rubbed his eyes and groaned.

"I'm getting too old for this shit."

**Mario**

It was the trial of the century. The crime lord of Springfield was caught in an air-locked case. The evidence from the traitors in his inner circle made it impossible to hope for an 'innocent' verdict.

One last witness remained. It was the last proverbial nail to be hammered into his coffin.

After being sworn in, the prosecutor began to question the witness.

"Sir, can you please give the jury your name?"

The man gave a victory sign. "It's-a me, Mario!"

The prosecutor coughed a little. "Yes, thank you. Now can you please point to the person, who allegedly ordered the gang slayings of the 'Dark Warriors,' who is responsible for the trafficking of controlled substances throughout the suburban, and who also threw a box of kittens into a dog pound?"

Mario thought for a minute. Literally.

The judge looked over at Mario.

"Sir," he said gravelly, "we need an answer soon."

Mario eyes lit up with the answer.

"It's-a me, Mario!"

The courtroom was buzzing with chatter. The judge, jury, prosecution and defense were stunned by the plumber's declaration.

The Judge looked at Mario with a twitching eye.

"Sir, you are in danger of obstructing justice. If you continue with this behavior, not only will I lock you up for contempt of court, but I will also sentence you to a year in jail. Now, answer the prosecutor's question."

Mario thought for a minute and repeated his catch phrase.

"It's-a me, Mario!" he said with more conviction.

The judge pounded his gavel.

"Bailiff," he roared, "escort Mr. Mario to a jail cell. Court will take a five-minute recess."

As the Bailiff escorted Mario, the crime lord eyed Mario evilly.

He turned to his associate, who sported mirror sunglasses, and whispered in his ear.

"Make sure you 'take care of him' after he has finished his time. I do not need some 'special case' trying to usurp me."

His associate nodded. They both headed out to the water cooler.


	4. Ch 4

I do not own Super Smash Brothers. Gotta deal with it somehow...

**

* * *

**

**Roy**

"Now Mr. Roy," said a middle-aged nurse, "these men are veterans from WWII. Their war experiences are still traumatizing to most of them. I expect you to use your 'indoor' voice."

Roy nodded, and set about to do his volunteer work.

Sheesh, yelling war cries on top of the tallest structures you can find was not only illegal; it was deemed as psychotic behavior. He gave the judge a piece of his mind, as well as unintentionally giving him temporary deafness.

They just could not understand him. No one could.

As he wheeled the medicine cart, he called the names that were on the labels. To everyone else, it came out as a savage war cry.

"What, what was that!" said one elderly man, as whipped his head back and forth to find the yeller.

"Uh-oh," said Jasper, jadedly, "it sounds like America's enemies are at it again."

"For God's sake, Jasper!"shouted his checkers opponent, angrily, "You can't keep pulling that crap every time you're losing!"

Abe Simpson stood up from his chair and waved his cane.

"Greatest generation to the rescue!" he proclaimed, with great sprit.

The elderly clambered into their automotive wheel chairs and went after Roy, with steel canes waving.

Roy took one look and fled the scene.

He made it outside and thought he was in the clear. After all, how fast can old people run?

He looked back, his eyes bugging out from what he saw. WWII vintage tanks were chasing him.

"Sir," said the now former tank pilot, "I really need this tank back before the parade starts."

"Yeah, yeah," replied Abe, absently, "you'll get it back when we flatten this punk!"

The tank pilot shrugged and sat down in the gunner's seat. He watched as the old man begins laughing manically and pushes the tank's throttle to full.

**Marth**

Two young women were walking through a hiking path when they came across something peculiar.

Off the trail, in the trees, was a blue hair man, clad in armor and leather. The Tiara was weirdest thing about him.

"Minna Mitette Kure!" shouted Marth to the women, while waving his arms.

"What's he saying?" asked one of the women.

"I don't know," replied the other. "I think he is saying, 'Hey guys, check this out!'"

Marth repeated the call, only he pointed downwards.

"Is he pointing at his crotch!" said one, horrified.

"He's nothing but a pervert!" shrieked the other. "C'mon, we shouldn't encourage him. Let's get out of here!"

Marth watched in dismay as the women yelled obscenities at him and walked away in a huff. He bowed his shoulders in lament, which caused him to sink a few more inches into the quicksand. Already, he was in waist deep.

American women, he just could not understand them.


	5. Ch 5

I do not own smash brothers, X-files, or the Justice League... Man...i don't own much of anything.

**

* * *

****Falco**

The Justice League was in need of recruits. Kirby's last hunger induced rampage decimated their numbers.

Desperate for people to enforce the peace, they settled for hiring of mercenaries who were of good nature.

The standards must have been quite lax since Falco was one of them.

He was wandering around, looking for the cafeteria. He hoped to get a meal consisting of gravy and roast turkey.

That was an hour ago.

Falco cursed himself for forgetting to get the holographic map from that Martian. In addition, for some reason, that Martian was not answering his com signal. That jerk was in for a beat down, Falco style!

* * *

An alarm rung out and the heroes that occupied the Watch Tower came rushing in. 

The giant view display showed Doomsday rampaging through Metropolis.

"It's Doomsday!" screamed one of the mercenaries, "he's come back to life!"

"Hmmm," mused Green Arrow, "you think. I mean the way he tears up steel like tissue paper, the ugly face, that horrible ponytail, those crystalline structures protruding out of that sickly grey skin, that's just uncharacteristic of a feral psychopath like Doomsday. It's probably not him at all."

Green Arrow snaps his fingers. "Why I believe it's Richard Simmons! I think he just wants some attention, perhaps a hug."

"Now is not the time for jesting, Oliver," said J'onn, from the central control, placed up high. "We must hold him off until the more powerful elements of the Justice League arrive."

He starred grimly at the gathering below.

"However, I can't in good conscience send any of you to fight him. I would be literally sending you to your deaths. Therefore, I won't think any less if none of you are willing to battle this monster."

The gathering murmured amongst themselves, some ashamed at their perceived cowardice.

Falco managed to arrive at the control center and saw the Martian delegating to the people down below. He points a finger at him and shouts.

"That's my prey!"

Unfortunately, for him, from any other angle, he looked like he was pointing at the display of Doomsday. The entire congregation looked at him in shock and awe.

"You want to take him on?" asked Green Arrow, stunned.

Falco, realizing his mistake, pointed more directly at the Martian and said again, "that's my prey!"

"Wow," gushed one of the women, "you're really brave for taking on someone who killed Superman."

Falcon turned white underneath his feathers and pointed more frantically at Martian.

"Do you see that," said one of the mercenaries, "he wants to go toe-toe right now. Not even the thought of having every bone in his body crushed to dust, or the extreme likely hood of being ripped apart limb by limb and eaten alive, is making him flinch!"

Everyone cheered and started dragging him to the transporter pad. All the while, Falco was trying to escape, flailing his limbs and constantly shouting, "That's my prey!"

"Look at him go," crowed Green Arrow, "he must really want to take him head on!"

They tossed him onto the transportation pad, which activated immediately the moment he made contact. He found himself in the ruins of a building. Several meters from him was Doomsday, destroying a telephone booth.

Falco groaned in fear and anger. Could things possibly get any worst?

After that last thought, two more teleportation columns flashed right behind him.

"Hi," said one of them, "I'm Biggs and this is Wedge."

Wedge gave a peace sign.

"With us on your side, there's no possible way you can lose!"

**Link**

Special agent Mulder was quite pissed off today. He circled on his calendar for this day, that he would find the truth. Of course, every day seemed to end failure in his search for the truth. But what if today was that day. He would be missing it.

He turned to Scully.

"Scully," he whined, impatiently, "why are we here. I need to check this UFO sighting in California."

"Mulder," said his partner, tiredly, "do you remember who called to inform you?"

Mulder nodded. "Sure, although I found it strange those teenagers kept slurring every word and kept calling me 'dude.' Odd, yes, but damn it, c'mon Scully, I'm sure we'll find the truth this time!"

Scully shook her head in disbelief. She resumed watching the suspect through the one-way mirror.

"So," asked Mulder, "who is this person?"

"This is Link," replied Scully, "we believe that he is connected to a credit card fraud ring."

"So," puzzled Mulder, "what does that have to do with us?"

Scully turned her eyes and stared at him, one eyebrow raised.

"It's our job to crack down on criminal activity, remember?"

Mulder scratched his head. "Well, that explains the pile of files on my desk."

Scully took another sip of coffee and restrained herself from choking her partner.

"No wonder Skinner's been chewing me out," she said angrily to her partner.

Mulder shrugged mildly in response.

"Look," hissed Scully, "just interrogate him."

"Fine," said Mulder, and he went into the room. He pulled up a chair and sat directly across Link.

"So, Link, you're in a very precarious situation."

Mulder leans forward and mutters in a low voice. "Jail time is inevitable. Here's the deal: You list the names, locations, and procedures of your operation. I will see to it that the D.A. cuts you a deal. Agreed?"

Link just stares at him.

"Are you deaf," inquired Mulder.

Link shook his head.

"Then answer me!"

Link tried to gesture that he could not talk. Mulder assumed that he was doing gang signs.

"You think you can intimidate me by threatening me with your gang connections?"

Link shook his head again, trying to get through to him that this was all a big misunderstanding. Mulder just assumed more gang signs.

"Alright, it's time for plan B." He takes out his semi-automatic pistol.

"I'm going to count to ten. If you don't answer, I'm going to fire." He aims the pistol at Link's leg.

Link stares wide eye at the weapon. As scared as he was though, he still couldn't say anything.

"Ten," began Mulder, "nine, eigh-"

Scully bursts into the room. "Mulder, just stop it! If you want to see your aliens, than go ahead! Leave!"

Mulder smiles, and calmly holsters his gun. He gave a wave of good-bye to Link and Scully.

"The truth _is_ out there," he annouced.

"Along with your sanity," retorted Scully.

Mulder chuckled off her stinging comeback and walked out of the room.


	6. Ch 6

I do not own Smash Brothers. Lights off, punks!

**

* * *

Falcon**

While cruising in his Blue Falcon, Captain Falcon was contemplating how drunk he needed to be to wash away his sorrows.

A week ago, he found the perfect woman. She didn't talk much and she had the biggest rack he had ever saw.

But the karmic forces of the universe decided to pull a cosmic prank on him. The woman he was dating was actually a blow- up doll. It never crossed his mind that she was a synthetic human construct, despite the men that laughed at him and the women who covered the eyes of their children.

He eventually discovered the soul crushing truth about his dream girl when he took her to the hospital after she deflated. The doctors told him never to defile their hospital again. The nurses threw hypodermic needles at him. All sterilized, of course. They still had their code of ethics.

He blew a sigh and admitted to himself. He was lost. He regretted procrastinating repairs to his GPS suite. To compound his troubles, these road maps were so hard to decipher. It was color coordinated, but that didn't make the reading of the map any easier. Where in the U.S.A was 'Russia?'

He decided to stop to ask for directions. He spotted a crowd of women gathering at a wooden stage. Once near, he stopped the Blue Falcon and got out to ask one of them.

He went to a woman with his 'road map' and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yes," she asked, "what do you want?"

Falcon pointed at the map. "Show me your moves!"

Women blinked. "Excuse me, I thought you said-"

Falcon jabbed at the map again. "Show me your moves!"

"What's going on?"

It was another woman that spoke.

"I don't know," replied her friend.

Falcon repeated his phrase again.

"I know what he's doing," growled one woman. "He's trying to undermine our authority by propagating the connotation that all women should be strippers!"

"The nerve of him!" shouted another woman.

"Get him!"

Falcon tried to escape, but the woman he first asked grabbed him, allowing others to catch up.

And so, the Woman's Rally of Empowerment taught the misogynistic pig a lesson. They took turns letting loose wicked kicks to his groin. They soundly beat him with his hard cover 'road map.' Oh, and they parked his Blue Falcon on top of him. The idiot left the engine on stand-by with no security locks.

**Yoshi**

The Disney Land was as vast as it was confusing. It was obvious to expect Yoshi's lack of navigational knowledge since he was dinosaur who lived most of his life on an island.

He wondered and glanced at the touted attractions, until he his belly rumbled. He purchased a hot dog from a vendor and settled on a park bench.

"Mommy look," shouted a little girl, "its Yoshi!"

"What do you know," said her Mother, "I didn't know he was part of Disney."

Yoshi shook his head to disprove their perception. He got up to leave.

"Wait," said the girl, "take off you mask!"

Yoshi shook his head again. Kids these days had no concept of manners. He blamed the new generations' rudeness on the parents. He got off the bench and started to walk away.

"Come back you stupid dinosaur."

Yoshi turned and fixed the little girl with a disapproving look.

Her Mother laughed nervously.

"Please, do this as a favor. She always had a fascination for people that wear costumes."

"Yoshi!" spoke the dinosaur.

"Ahh, that's nice. Now can you please remove your helmet?"

Yoshi shook his head. How can he get it through to them that he was not an employee of Disney? Better yet, how was he suppose to communicate the fact that he was of a species thought long to be extinct?

"Look, I don't know if you have a zealous fixation with Yoshi, it's not my business. However, I would appreciate it as a sign of generosity, if you will do this for my daughter."

Again Yoshi shook his head and said, "Yoshi."

The Mother wouldn't take no for an answer. She strode up to Yoshi and inserted her hands in his mouth.

"Look, you freak, how hard can it be to-"

She never finished her word, as Yoshi instinctively swallowed her whole.

The little girl screamed and ran off to find security.

Yoshi quickly passed her out in a giant egg. He could hear her muffled screams.

"Let me out! Help!"

Disney Land was sure magically, thought Yoshi. Too bad, he had to leave for reasons that are unrelated to what just transpired. He leapt over the nearest fence and ran for the Los Angeles airport.


	7. Ch 7

I do not own Smash Brothers. (insert witty line)

**

* * *

****Fox**

Today would be the first time that he would be seeing Krystal since the battle on Dinosaur planet. Holy crap, he thought, you'd think they would've thought of a name that was more meaningful for a planet.

He invited her to this restaurant on Corneria. This restaurant was exclusive to the elite and rich. He managed to get in with his celebratory status. That, and he droved the Landmaster to the front and threaten to blow up the establishment unless he receive two reservations.

Fox satpatiently by his table, awaiting Krystal's arrival. He checks his watch and resume tapping his finger and drinking his bottle of Coors. Eventually his patience pays off. Through the entrance way the Matrie' d escorted Krystal to Fox's table.

She sat across Fox and smiled warmly.

"Hello, Fox, it's been awhile."

"Humph!" replied Fox, enthusiastically.

"O-kay," replied a stunned Krystal. "So," so asked, trying to change topics, "have you ordered any food for us."

Fox responded with a loud "Humph!"

Krystal arched her eyebrows. He really had changed since their last meeting.

"Are you feeling alright, Fox?" worry crept into her voice.

"Humph!" he answered.

"Look," she growled, exasperated by his antics, "if I happened to be bothering you, than just tell me what's wrong!"

Fox shook his head. "Humph!"

"Fine, I'm leaving, you insensitive, arrogant bastard!" She backs her chair and takes Fox's beer and drenches him with the remaining contents. She shakes out the last few drops and then walks towards the entrance.

Fox wanted to go after her. But what would he say? Depressed from this dejection, he called for the waiter to get his check. He takes out his com unit and contacts Peppy.

Peppy's face flashed on the screen.

"Do a barrel roll!" He asked, expecting Fox to be at second base.

Fox shut his eyes. "Humph!" he replied.

Peppy nodded in sympathy. "Do a barrel roll!" he said quietly.

Fox decided to take Peppy's advice and headed home. Or ran home since he decided to do a dine and dash.

**Jiggly puff**

My, it was such a lovely day, thought Jiggly Puff. And the locals were quite courteous to each other. Several times she saw people were breaking car windows so that it wouldn't be overheated inside. Most often they took the car. She assumed they were driving the cars to their owners so they wouldn't walk so far to retrieve them.

She stops by a hooded person, who shifts his eyes quite quickly. He seemed nervous about something. Like someone was looking for him. He was probably playing hide and seek!

Jiggly Puff pulled on his leg pants. She wanted to play too!

The guy looks down. "What do ya want?" he asks, in a low voice.

"Jiggly Puff," she answered, cheerfully.

The man smiles, for it was a while since anyone wanted some.

He takes out a bag of the green and shows it to Jiggly Puff.

"This stuff, is from up north, so it's primo, ya get?"

Jiggly Puff didn't understand but she nodded anyway.

"So how much you-"

The guy stops in mid-sentence. Around the corner was a squad car. His mind races, and comes up with a rather clever plan.

He drops the bag onto Jiggly Puff and runs off.

What's this? questions Jiggly Puff. Was it candy?

She takes out a large scoop and eats it.

Bleah, it was terrible in taste. She holds the bag back and winches in disgust.

Suddenly, the world grew rainbows and funny hats. Whee, she danced step by step with the tap-dancing pink hippos.War had touched the lands of the electro bunnies. She battled condescending telephones that were against wireless nodes. In her honor, the queen of puddles decided to hold a rock concert. She had fun singing with the famous Beetles. For people so small, they were talented.

Of all the words in the dictionary to describe this magical place, only two could justify what she experienced.

**wH**_o_**a…_D_u**d**E**

* * *

McKaoi rubbed his eyes. "Whoa, what've I've been smoking?" 

"Shh," hissed Murphey, "keep it down!"

"So you see it too?"

"Yeah," said Murphey, "I'm not blind."

"Let's just take him...her...it...to the station!"

They picked up Jiggly Puff and tossed...it...into the back seat. They also took the bag and stuffed it beneath the driver seat.

* * *

"Dude, that pink cotton candy was the bomb!" 

Murphey gapped at his partner. "You didn't?"

His partner was holding a stick with bits of cotton candy stuck to it.

"Huh, whachu say?"

Murphey breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yeah, and the other one was awesome too!"

Murphey stares in horror.

His partner holds up another stick of cotton candy. His partner then clubs him. All the while, Jiggly Puff was hallucinating about a floating talking trashcan that spewed obscenities every second.


	8. Ch 8

I do not own smash brothers. (starts juggling radioactive material).

**

* * *

**

**Peach**

A small girl was selling lemonade from a jury-rigged stand. Business was quite good. More importantly the clientele were not jerks. Than along came a woman in pink.

She shoved past the little girl's patrons and flipped quarter to the girl. The girl glares at the woman before serving out a cup of lemonade.

Peach takes a swig and nearly spits it out.

"Sweet!" she said, angrily.

The little girl felt her pride take a beating. She always felt that her lemonade mixture was perfect. Grudgingly, she made another cup with less sugar.

Once again the woman nearly balks and shouts.

"Sweet!"

This time the girl takes out all the sugar and puts in pure lemon juice. She hands the cup to Peach, and eagerly awaited her reaction.

Peach spat out the juice.

"Sweet!"

_That was it_, thought the steamed girl. It was time to get the big guns.

* * *

Professor Frink had finally been able to recreate his 77X42 super sour ball. It was quite difficult, since he lost his notes. 

"Now to turn around and admire my inventions." and so he did. And in turning around again he expected his sour ball to be still residing in its containment field. It wasn't

Frink stooped his head in depression at the lost of his sour ball. "Oh good glayven!" He cried.

* * *

The little girl dropped the sour ball into the pitcher of pure lemon juice. It glowed briefly than settle back into its former mundane state. She poured a cup for Peach, who drank it with gusto. 

In what could be described as horrible, or funny depending on who you are, a black hole forms in Peach's mouth. She was immediately sucked in. The black hole disappeared afterwards.

The kids all stared at the spot the weird adult once occupied. Then they resume their line-up for their lemonades.

**Bowser**

Bowser found time between capturing princess Toadstool to take a tour of a New York City. It was a massive place, which made it great. He was massive, and therefore by association of massiveness, was equally as great as New York.

He takes the occasional picture from his massive mega pixel camera. Yep, that was great too.

"Holy crap," said one nearsighted man, "it's Godzilla!"

"No, no, no," chided his equally nearsighted friend, "you see those horns, it's my Mother-in-law." He waved at Bowser. "How you doing, Ma?"

Bowser promptly crushed the two and continued on his way. A blotch on this day, but there was much to see, to aid him in forgetting the idiocy he just experienced. It would've have worked except idiocy came in droves when these stories were made.

A group of teenagers, with attitude, were busy organizing a charity drive for the environment. They pestered every single person with their insufferable cheery attitude.

"Save the whales! Reduce plastic usage! Recycle!"

A businessman with the Wall Street Journal stopped by them.

"Go get a job you hippies!" he yelled before throwing a quarter at their feet.

"Hey guys," yelled their muscle bound, and idiotic, leader, "we're on our way!"

They all cheered.

"Soon, we'll be able to reach our goal of 500 billion," beamed the perky female, "The amount needed to clean the Earth!"

"Surely, with our upbeat attitude, anything is possible." Cheered the token nerd.

"Wait," said the ethnic minority member of the group, "is that one of Lamer's monsters?"

"I think it is," said another, less attractive, female, "we must destroy it without asking any question."

They took out their morphing hats, and shouted, "Go, go Brawn Wardens!"

(Stock footage transformation scene)

Bowser found himself growing hungry, so he headed to find a bistro. He located one that was packed, so he roared loudly scaring off the patrons. The cook just shrugged his shoulders and took his order.

Being the only customer, Bowser found his order served in record time. But before he could take a single mouthful of food, he was interrupted by a group of teenagers.

"Monster," they shouted, while doing karate moves, "you're reign of terror is over!"

Bower could not believe this. He heard of these losers. _Saving the world, my ass,_ he thought. Why they were allowed to destroy the city time and time again to do so was beyond his comprehension. He roared at them to frighten them off.

"You hear that?" gasped the leader, "That roar must mean he's evil!"

"Was that why we attacked that zoo last week?" questioned the nerd.

"…Yes."

They all attacked Bowser with their kung fu. But their kung fu was no match for a dino king and a massive piece of lumber as thick as a telephone pole.

"The (cough) monster, is too powerful!" despaired the leader, "quick we must summon the Battle Bots"

"You mean the ones that are overpowering and able to quash our foes in a single blow, thus saving us from any injury had we summoned them in the first place?"

"Exactly!"

They all struck the same exact pose and shouted "We need-"

During that moment, Bowser swung with his all his might. The punk teenager exploded out of the restaurant, and impacted into an abandoned building. The old and depilated building instantly collapsed upon them. Bowser went back to his meal. When he finished he paid the meal, and a generous tip. Outside he encountered more unwelcome attention.

Judging from his appearance, he was from a resident from the rural south. He was waving a flag.

"Im aprotesting you monsters squashing us folks! For many decades youse use the small people to prove your monstrosity. I a demand you halta your rampage!"

Bowser made a move to crush the offending protestor.

"Go 'head!" shouted the man, "you can crush ma body but you cann neva crush mai spirit!"

Before Bowser could oblige the man, a shadow was blotting out the sun. Bowser looked up and his pupils widened in surprise. The Battle Bots had arrived. Their delay was due to him interrupting the teens before they could finish their summoning.

(**WHAM**)

The Bots crushes them both.

"Ow," moans the man, "mai spirit!"


	9. Ch 9

A few things to clarify. First, Jiggly Puff was not eaten. I am not a monster! _I am a HUMAN BEING! _(yes that was a movie reference, I think) Second, Lamer was a name I made up. The name was synonymous with every half-brain villain that I saw on Saturday morning, several of years ago. From power rangers to captain planet, I couldn't believe how stupid they were. They either made fatal errors in their plan, or they totally underestimated the so-called heroes, allowing them to foil their plans again, again, and again. I am ashamed that I once watched these shows. (attempts to carry out Seppuku)

I do not own smash brothers or the The Hulk. (Sees hulk) AHHHH!

**

* * *

**

**Dr. Mario **

Mario was having some trouble adjusting to real-life medicine. Apparently when you tell a patient to take mushrooms, they believed they are sanctioned to take doses of hallucinogens. He nearly lost his license for that.

This next patient was apparently somewhat afraid of doctors. Dr. Mario thought that was nonsense. Doctors were healers not serial killers.

"He-hello, Dr. Mario" sputters the man. "I have a throat infection and I-"

Dr. Mario held up a hand. It made him confounded how people could think they could diagnose their own symptoms so easily.

He was obviously infected with viruses. So he grabbed a bottle of pills, popped the cap, and starts throwing yellow pills at him.

"Hey, Ow, can you please- ow- stop doing that?"

Dr. Mario frowned. These viruses were not disappearing. Maybe if he threw red ones.

"Ow, listen buddy! You don't want me to get mad! Nothing good happens when I get mad!"

Oh, so the man was feeling angry. Dr. Mario starts chucking blue pills at him. Hopefully that would calm him down.

The man tries to keep calm. But the incompetent doctor was an endless source of frustration. He could feel the transformation taking place. His clothing rips, his tendons snap, the muscles began bulging. He was turning green.

"**HULK SMASH PUNY MORON!"**

Well drat the luck; Dr. Mario didn't have any green pills. That would've taken out the green virus that had clearly infected him.

The hulk grabbed Dr. Mario and leapt high into the air, breaking through the clinics roof. When they were descending he threw Dr. Mario onto the concrete road and spread out his arms and legs. He carefully aimed himself to land directly on Dr. Mario

**SMASH!**

Hulk got up and brushed away the pancake thin Dr. Mario from his abdomen. The people on the side gave him a ten for the dive. One person gave him a 6.

"**HULK SMASH PUNY MORON!"**

And so he did.

**Young Link**

The elementary teacher called out the names on the roll. So far, half of her class were skipping school. So what, she thought, they probably turn out to be losers.

She tossed the clipboard with the roll sheet onto the table and began the class.

"Today's lesson," she began in a nasally voice, "will be a review of the arithmetic that we learned yesterday. Who can tell me what 5+5 equals?"

She scanned the classroom. It was slim pickings. Most parents left their children here because they couldn't stand them 24 hours per day. Therefore, they did not nurture or encourage their education.

_I've become glorified babysitter,_ she gloomily concluded.

Well, there was one bright spot. Her one student, link, was a brilliant boy. And he quickly solved problem that puzzled others.

So she called him out.

"Link! Can you please answer my question?"

Link sat silently in his chair.

"Link, did you hear me?"

He nodded.

"Than please answer my question."

Still he said nothing.

She stomps over to Link's desk, folded her arms and gave him a stare-down.

"Link! I asked you a question." She said, sternly. "Please answer."

Link smiled nervously.

His teacher brought up her hands to cover her gasp.

"You've been cheating! All this time, I thought you'd be the only one of this miserable gathering of idiots to actually make something of himself."

"Hey!" exclaimed one of the offended students.

"Oh, shut up!" she snaps. "Not one of you can put on their shoes correctly!"

The kids start to mope in shame. The professor resumes glaring at Link.

"You, young man, have earned yourself a detention for three weeks." She walks away to her desk to resume her fruitless attempt to teach this hopeless generation of kids.

Link is feeling a little depressed. He withdraws a Lon Lon milk bottle from his backpack, takes a swig, and sighs.


	10. Ch 10

I do not own Smash Brothers. (Hears knock on door and sees Women's rights activists ready to beat his sorry ass).

**

* * *

****Zelda/Sheik**

Sheik was shopping in a women's clothing store within a mall. She was looking for a dress that could withstand bombs, beam sabers, and was stain resistant.

While browsing through a selection of Steel woven dresses, a sexy blond slithered up behind her.

"Hey handsome, who's the lucky woman?"

Sheik looks around and realizes that she was talking to her. She shook her head and resumed browsing.

"Ohh, playing hard to get, are we?" she encircled Sheik with her arms. "Listen whoever it is, I can make you forget about her. Just give me a day." She smiles seductively. "Or less," she giggles.

Sheik was doing her best not to vomit and/or freak out. She hoped no one she knew was watching. She slowly plied the young woman's arms and started to walk, very quickly, out the store.

"Please wait," begged the blond. Than a brunette got in her way.

"What are you doing?" demanded the blond. "I saw him first!"

The brunette jabs a finger at the blond. "You aren't good enough for him," shouted the irate brunette., "so back off!"

"He's getting away!" pointed out a middle-aged woman.

"Let's just go get him and make him choose!" shouted an old lady.

"Our better yet," said the blond coyly, "let's make him our slave."

The women squealed at her plan and ran after Sheik. The moment she saw them, she ran at full speed. Still far ahead of the mob, she ran into fishing store with plenty of time to transform herself. The stampede of women looked inside, noted their prince was not within, and dashed off.

Zelda sighed and started browsing the fishing poles.

"Hey beautiful, who's the lucky man?"

Zelda turned to the person and found that it was Captain Falcon. She grabs one of the steel poles and starts to beat him. Once he was beyond recognition, she paid for the ruined fishing pole and walked to the mall exit.

**Pichu**

In the forests, the Pichu's were gathering around to see play presented by one of there own. He was dressed up as a Pikachu and alongside him was ragged doll that that wore a familiar red hat. The summary was this:

"Duh, I'm so special because I'm a Pokemon guide for a 'mental case.'"

The Pichu's were rolling on their backs in laughter. One of them passed out and had to be administered CPR. (Do they know CPR? Bah!)

A sound from behind tree spooked the Pichu's into running off. The Pichu that was still clad in a Pikachu costume was unable to run. He felt hands grab him and hoist him up in the air.

"I got him," cheered James.

"Finally," said Jessie, relieved, "Team Rocket has done it!"

"Yeah," chipped in Meowth, "we finally managed to capture Pikachu!"

They gave themselves celebratory pats on the back.

"Pichu!" Shouts Pichu.

"Say," said James, "that doesn't sound like Pikachu."

"Are you blind, James?"scolds his partner, "of course it's Pikachu. Look at that hat on the ground. Ash has been here!"

"He probably has a cold," suggests Meowth.

They left on a jet plane to present their catch to Giovanni.

Giovanni decided to grant them an audience. He could only hope that they were here to tell him that they were wasting away from a flesh-eating virus.

"Here you are, sir," they said in unison as Jessie plops Pichu onto his desk. All three bowed low.

At that moment, the costume fell away.

_If this was a joke_, thought Giovanni, _there will be pain._

"You spent all that time for this useless Pokemon?"

The idiot trio glanced up and saw Pichu.

Pichu smiled and gave a peace sign.

"Pichu." He said.

Giovanni got up. "I think it's time you two were presented with a task more suited to your abilities."

He turned towards the Pichu. "As for you-"

It was gone. Giovanni shrugged. It was pointless to look for it.

* * *

For three months, Team Rocket was assigned to janitorial duties. Several times, they saw Pichu roaming the corridors spilling contents of waste containers. Of course, they could not prove it. 


	11. Ch 11

Sorry, if I gave the implication that I was finished… I am really scrapping the bottom of the barrel at this point. To answer a reviewer's question, Shiek is Zelda. They are one and the same.

I do not own Smash Brothers. again, again, and again.

* * *

****

**Popo and Nana: The Ice Climbers**

Popo and Nana were sitting in front of a Nintendo managerial drone. They were here to see if they could find further work.

"Hello you two," Said the drone, voice stricken with a nasal voice, "it's been a while."

The two nodded.

"I have to ask a personal question. Are you two related or married?"

They both looked at each other and then at the drone. They shrugged their shoulders.

The drone coughed to cover his awkwardness and started looking through the files in his computer.

"Well," said the drone, in a nasally voice, "we do have some openings for you. Are you two okay being enemy non-playable characters?"

Both thought that was too little. "Yoop!" they responded

The drone blinked. "I'm sorry, did you say yep?"

They shook their heads.

The drone arched an eyebrow and resumed searching for a position for these two.

"We need someone to test deadly weapons upon. Are you interested?"

"Yoop!" they replied.

The drone frowned. "Are you agreeing to this job?"

They shook their heads. This went on for a while until he came to this last item.

"This last position requires two hammer wielding ice climbers to star in a block buster RPG. Are you two up for a task of this magnitude?"

They both replied in their traditional manner while nodding their heads.

But the drone, becoming excessively accustomed to their rejections, without looking marked down that they passed on the job.

"That was the last opening. Maybe they'll be something new the next quarter."

The drone got up and garbed his overcoat. He picked up his suitcase and waved good-bye to them.

The Ice Climbers were desperate to stop him, so they threw their mallets at him.

* * *

"…giving him a concussion. The Ice Climbers are still on the run and presumed dangerous. If you do see them contact America's Most Hunted call center. We're counting the days until these scum bags are brought to justice. I'm John Welsh, thank you for watching." 

**Mr. Game and Watch**

Mr. G and W decided to frequent a diner. Why? Well he heard that people had periodically crammed dead animals or vegetation down their esophagus for some reason. He was curious why they would practice this ritual.

He observed the patrons of the diner and sat in a stool. Apparently, a person walked from one person to another, jotting down orders. Here comes one now.

The waitress takes out her notepad and pencil. "What'll be, hon?"

Mr. G and W peruse the menu. He decided on hash browns and coffee.

"Beep, Ring." He said

"Hold on, I need to get the phone."

She went to answer it only to hear the dial tone.

"Huh," she said aloud, "lousy crank callers."

She hung up and went back to Mr. G and W.

"Sorry about that, now what'll be?"

"Beep, Ring." he repeated.

The server turned away and walks into the kitchen to answer the phone. Again, only a dial tone was there to answer her.

(Several repetitions later)

The waitress marches into the kitchen and starts hollering.

"I know you're all busy, but would it kill to answer the phone."

They glanced at her, skeptically.

"Maranda, the phone hasn't rung for the past hour."

"Bullshit," she spat, "the phone's been rung several times!"

"Well what 'bout that stranger at the front," pointed out a cook, "you think he could be pulling one on ya?"

The Maranda thought about it and stomped back to Mr. G and W. She stopped next to him, asked for his order, and listened carefully.

"Beep, Ring."

The little bastard was making those noises. Maranda slapped him hard and told him to get out of the diner.

Mr. G and W left the diner feeling a little satisfied in his curiosity. He had hash browns and coffee and it was painful to experience. He concluded that humans must be insaneif they wanted to purchase services from such establishments. He felt pity for humankind's insanity.

He started looking through the internet searching for other human pastimes.

S & M sounded like family oriented fun, so he signed up for two sessions.


	12. Ch 12

I do not own Smash Brothers. BOO! HAHhahaha!

* * *

**Ganondorf**

In flash of light smoke, Ganondorf appeared from no where. It finally worked! His spell of outer-dimensional travel allowed him to appear anywhere he chose from different points time-spacein other dimensions. He nearly had given up pursuing the completion of the spell when his first test trial had placed him in a bath house for elderly women.

He noted to himself to record the coordinates and use it as a means of torture.

He observes his surroundings and finds it oddly clean. Where, when, which dimension, was he in?

"Bravo! Are you the party magician my husband ordered?"

Ganondorf turns towards the female in the purple blouse. Sometimes he hated this spell. Everyone seemed to assume he was some clown. Until he destroyed their lives and everything they loved. That part was always the best.

As he prepared to magick this woman out existence he felt a strong presence of raw magic. It was within this dwelling. Perhaps the situation wasn't as useless as he first thought.

He smiled and gave a slight bow.

"Wonderful," cheered the woman, "I'm Timmy's mom. My name is-"

Ganondorf waved her off. It was time to investigate. He went into a door and found himself before a crowd of children, all sitting cross-legged with their attention focused on him.

They stared at him. He stared back.

Being the kids with short-attention spans, they deemed that this magic show sucked. They started throwing food at him.

"BOO!" heckled AJ, "go back to clown college."

"I thought my birthday party was prettybad when that rabid raccoon attacked us."

AJ rested a hand on Chester's shoulder. "Chester," said AJ, "I still consider your party the worst I've ever been to."

Chester's eyes began to water and his lower lip quivers.

Ganondorf decided it was time to exterminate these nuisances. He gathered magical fire into his hands.

"OMG," shouted Timmy, "he's going to totally kill them!"

"What do you expect, Timmy?" said Wanda. "He's an evil warlock."

"Evil?" squeaked Cosmo. "Does that mean he'll wave doo-doo on a stick at us?"

"I wish that he was anywhere but here!"

The two god fairies wave their wands. In a poof of smoke Ganondorf was gone. The kids were silent for a moment then cheered.

* * *

Ganondorf was still groggy from the uncalled teleportation. When his vision cleared, he screamed bloody murder. The old women in the bathhouse screamed back at him and then threw bathing accessories at him. 

**Donkey Kong**

DK was walking down the street heading to market. He heard a shriek and jerked his head around to see what the commotion was. It was a lady pointing at him. DK pointed at his tie, hoping she would recognize him. All he felt was air. He looked down and discovered his tie was gone.

He slapped his head. He knew he forgot something. He slapped his head again. He didn't have any pockets! Where was his wallet!

"It's a wild ape!" shouted a hysterical man, "he'll kill us all!"

He fainted after his little rant. DK started to hoof it back home. He contemplated breaking into his apartment since he didn't have his key. That would make it twice this week.

Along the way, he encountered a police force.

"Open fire, there's no use trying to reason!"

The police force opened fired with their tranquilizer rifles. DK stumbles around a bit and accidentally knocks a cop out.

"It's no use men! Bring out the tasers!"

(many taser shocks later)

"Whew, that was rough. Call animal control. Tell them we got a male gorilla that…uh…stumbled onto a live wire."

* * *

DK cracked open his eyes. He instantly shut them again and clutched his head. He had a migraine that would've split a year-old fruit cake in two. He opened his eyes a bit more and groaned. 

He was in some jungle. Those stupid idiots! Why didn't they send him to a zoo instead? It was much closer. But, NOOOOoooo! They wanted him to be in his natural habitat.

He got up and started searching for a human outpost. He hoped to find bananas on the way.


	13. Ch 13

The final chapter...lucky 13. I like to thank everyone who reviewed this story, for it gave me motivation to keep trudging on. It was quite a challenge to write for each character since I only have the N64 version of Super Smash Brothers. And now...Nappy time!

I do not own smash brothers. (ZzzZZZzzz)

* * *

Mewtwo was feeling ecstatic, perhaps a bit anxious. Here he was, behind the curtains, awaiting the current speaker to finish his presentation. Today, he would be addressing the members of MENSA concerning his break through in faster-than-light research. It would show those uppity, excuses of intellect that his brilliance would outshine them all. 

But wait, what if collectively, they outshone him? We'll then he'd just blast them into ashes. It's not like humans value intellect anyway. Destruction of their grey matter was apparently number one on their list of things to do in life. He found it astounding how much booze humans consumed.What surprised him more was that they didn't light on fire when near an open flame.

While looking through his stack of notes, he failed to notice a sandbag above with a frayed rope. Yes, he's psychic, but that does not mean he's clairvoyant (able to see in to future) and he is putting his full concentration into preparing his lecture. SO THERE!

The rope breaks and down goes the sandbag. Mewtwo noticed the sound of snapping rope, so he looks up. The sandbag slams into his face driving his head to the wooden floor.

He gets up and starts stumbling around.

* * *

"…which is why I believe we should all construct doomsday devices." 

The present lecturer steps back and smiles.

"The following oration will be given by a well-known creature. Although he is antagonistic towards all humankind, he is undoubtedly the greatest intellect that has graced our presence. It gives me great pleasure to introduce this extraordinary member of MENSA."

He looks to the side and raises his arm in an indicative manner.

"Mewtwo."

The audience claps. It immediately faded when they see Mewtwo stumbling around. He twirls around and laughs.

"By Einstein's theory of relativity," gasped a MENSA member, "the research must've destroyed his brain!"

"Yes," said the presenter, "that has to be the only explanation."

"I don't know," voiced a doubting female member. "It looks like he's just dazed."

"Nonsense," the MENSA member snarled, "I'm a genius, and I say that the research destroyed his brain."

"You dunderhead," shouted a back row member, "we're all geniuses here!"

"All geniuses, you say? How ingenious was your plan to save the world by using hamster wheels!"

"It might save your life, you repository of LDL cholesterol!"

* * *

And so a brawl consumed the entire auditorium. Head butts were the choice ways of inflicting injury but it was a double edge technique since they were all eggheads (I'm so 'punny'). Mewtwo just twirled around and laughed in his own little world. 


End file.
